improve writing 2

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I have an essay which need to improve by the following suggestions.

(1) Support the arguments with some data about unemployment (dynamics) in China, foreign capital inflows/outflows (given that you mention them), etc.

(2) Mention (even in the title) what is the time frame that you are considering. It seems that you focus on the recent years, but if so, you should precise about it.

(3) Try to make your style less emotional, e.g., you should abstain from using words like nightmare, suffering, pain, horrible, etc.

(4) Try to include more sources (using 3 references seems a bit on the short side).

(5) Note that actual unemployment contains a persistent (frictional and structural unemployment) and cyclical component (due to the business cycle). Which one are you discussing (all of them or the natural one: frictional and structural). Talking about the frictional unemployment, there have been some important sectoral shifts over time: increase in manufacturing jobs accompanies by a decrease in agricultural jobs; the rise in services.

(6) Outsourcing (due to increase in labor costs in China vs. other Asian economies), change in the structure of jobs may lead to the destruction of many local jobs, which may affect unemployment because of frictions in the job search process or sticky wages.

(7) Change the last sentence of your second paragraph.

(8) You mention the increase of the population, but it seems you are assuming that the number of jobs grows at a lower rate (why is this the case?)

(9) I am not sure I fully understand your argument about social security. Better unemployment benefits tend to increase frictional unemployment. The mechanism you are discussing seems to highlight the fact that higher social security taxes paid by the employees would decrease their wage (not very clear to start with- wages are endogenous and who would bear the burden of taxes depends on the elasticity of the demand and supply) and make them leave their jobs, thus increasing unemployment. But if there are no alternatives, it is not very clear to me how these workers would generate income. If there are alternatives, then how would this affect unemployment except maybe its frictional component (these workers would move to some other jobs, which pay “officially” lower wages, or start their own business)?

(10)You mention that the government should develop various industries, but why is this the government jobs unless there are positive externalities or a lack of competition.

 

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